A stranger designs a postcard, writes a secret on it, buys a stamp, and sends it to someone who will never know their name. It takes more effort than writing in a notebook. But the postcard will have a reader.
PostSecret is built on this paradox. The project's creator, Frank Warren, handed out postcards in Washington, and people mailed them back with their confessions. The project's digital museum holds postcards sent as far back as 2004 and 2005. Today, the instructions remain almost the same: make a postcard and anonymously send in a secret. The author hides their name but wants the content to be seen.
It is hard to explain this act as a love of mail. Writing down a thought for yourself would be quicker. Sending it introduces another person—unknown and far away—who will learn the secret. Sometimes that is exactly what is missing.
Why we feel the need to reveal a secret
A secret can be a persistent burden even when no one is asking risky questions. In a series of ten studies, participants thought about their secrets outside conversations more often than they encountered situations in which they had to actively conceal something.
The research does not say that every secret will haunt a person. It shows something narrower: much of the experience happens in solitude, when there is no one from whom anything needs to be hidden at that moment.
At such a moment, writing can move the sentence out of your head—onto a sheet of paper, for example. But it does not change the boundary: the author is still the only person who knows the secret. This is where the desire for someone else to read it comes from. Of course, this has not been proven to be a universal motive among PostSecret participants. One person hopes for understanding, another wants to see whether they can say the words, and a third is looking for advice.
How to figure out what you need
Try completing two sentences in a private entry:
“I've never told anyone that...”
“If another person read this, I would want them to...”
In the second sentence, name an action. For example: “not argue,” “say they understand,” “help me decide what to do tomorrow,” or “suggest whom I could turn to.” A specific verb will show what you expect from the reader. Perhaps what you need is not a reader at all, but advice, protection, or professional help.
If you wrote “not respond at all,” an ordinary private entry that no one will see may be enough.
Leaflo, by the way, can be a place for this draft: you can save the words in a private entry and work out what response you want. Deciding whether to reveal the secret anonymously remains a separate step. Sometimes this makes it clear whom you can trust. Sometimes it is safer to keep the entry private for now.
Notes
- PostSecret Digital Museum. About PostSecret.
- PostSecret Digital Museum. The Early Days of PostSecret.
- Slepian, M. L., Chun, J. S., and Mason, M. F. The Experience of Secrecy.
- Ma, X., Hancock, J., and Naaman, M. Anonymity, Intimacy and Self-Disclosure in Social Media.
